Rumors are abound that Britney Spears might possibly make an appearance at this year’s MTV Video Music Awards and as usual, the blogs have shifted the speculating into overdrive. How the heck will Britney be able to comeback from last year’s catastrophe? Redeeming herself may not seem completely unfathomable these days. In recent months, her father has remained the conservator of all her financial assets and life, she was sane enough for an interview with OK! Magazine and she’s filmed a couple of MTV promos where she actually looks alive. She’s capable right? So I’ve put together a short list of “in the bag” suggestions that will have Britney’s performance….well, in the bag.
Idea 1) Do an Olympic-themed performance. The MTV Movie Awards are like a month away. This gives you at least a couple of weeks to starve yourself and weight train for 8 hours a day. I once read that it took Angela Bassett only 3 months to prepare for her Tina Turner role in “Whats Love Got To Do With it.” She was like 50. You’re 26. After you lose the weight, invite Michael Phelps on stage, teach dolphin boy some choreography, hire the Chinese to put together something a la the last week’s opening ceremony and voila! The audience will be unable to restrain their cheers. It’s a win-win situation.
Idea 2) Get political. When the MTV Movie Awards are broadcast it will be approximately 3 months be-fore the presidential election. Choose a candidate, preferably black. The entire hip-hop community will be in attendance and the last thing you want is Diddy and the gang accusing you of “Bitchassness.” Also, everyone knows Obama is popular with Hollywood and young voters. If none of this works unfold a giant banner that reads “Support Our Troops.” You will be loved.
Idea 3) Outshine someone else. What better way to make yourself look better than to stand next to someone who looks like hell? Repeat the first part of “Idea 1.” Call up Amy Winhouse. Get her drunk and high the day of the show and insist she do her own hair, makeup and wardrobe. Get ironic and sing a rendition of “Rehab.” You will look incredible.
Idea 4) Bring your kids on stage. Everyone loves children. Teach Sean Preston and Jayden James some breakdance choreagraphy and bust out oldie but goodie “Boys.” Dress them up in matching bedazzled track suits and let them do all the work. No one will boo a child.
Idea 5) Call Madonna. She’s 50. She knows stuff.
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Photos courtesy of The Internets!
